So.... lately I've been struggling. On June 27th, 2011 THIS HAPPENED . Next month will be the two year 'anniversary' if you can really call it that. I read the post above, and I see such hope. Such peace. It was my Father in Heaven, and possibly a little bit of the pain meds talking ? ! Things have changed again, and right now, I'm dealing with guilt. You see, when I wrote the post on things being upside down and inside out, I had hope. Now , coming up on two years, I am trying to begin to accept the fact that this isn't going to get better. Not physically at least. The excruciating pain is still there. Even with medications, more injections, talks of surgery and spinal cord stimulators etc, the pain is still there. It seems that it is going to be with me for the rest of my life. So, I believe it is time to come to grips with it, and accept it.
The guilt is overwhelming me at this point. I woke up this morning... feeling the guilt just hitting me. Then I remembered another point in my life when I was feeling this way. I hurried to my computer and I pulled up THIS POST and was amazed at how much my Father in Heaven had helped me at that time. I decided to start re-reading 'Heaven is Here' by Stephanie Nielsen, a book that has inspired me to no end! I decided to immerse myself in Scripture Study. I decided to snuggle my kids super hard today! I remembered... that I had hope. Life isn't the same. It's NEVER going to be the same. But I'm going to be ok. Guilt sucks. Pain sucks. Life can suck sometimes. But I can't lose my hope. I can't worry myself to death. I need to live. I need to be thankful. I am blessed.
Is there anyone else out there dealing with guilt or loss of hope or trials? I'm sure there is.... we are here on this earth to be tried.... Wanna share your story or some trinkets of hope with me???
A Picture of Hope to share with you: