These past few weeks have been a non-stop trial for me. Anniversary dates of deaths, the due date of when I was supposed to have the baby I miscarried in September, a neighbor who is constantly needing me to do everything for her, and those normal life things like breaking a wisdom tooth and your husband getting stitches and the resulting hospital/dentist bills. The guilt, the pain, the work, trying so hard to be like Christ and be patient in dealing with someone who isn’t really a “friend” yet has no one else. I look at my husband, who is also so very overwhelmed. I look at my kids who are basically just playing outside and reading books, and watching movies. Their momma is overwhelmed.
For a couple of weeks, I just tried to keep going. Pushed myself harder. Worried non-stop and ran around constantly, feeling like I still am achieving nothing. I would fall asleep without praying sometimes. I would wake up still exhausted, not looking forward to another day of this. The depression was getting me lower and lower.
I finally stopped and realized, I can’t do this anymore. I wasn’t being a good wife, or a good mom. I felt I wasn’t even being a good person! I was just running and running with no point or purpose trying to keep everyone happy. The kids were miserable, they were acting up trying to get attention. They were bored… and I felt like this:
I started dreaming of what life would be like if it was just simple. I probably would take it for granted and not be appreciative. I decided something needed to change. So I made sure to do the “simple things”. Prayer, Scripture Study, etc. We all know the answers. During my scripture study, I found some really neat things that I wish to share with you. Also, I bought Stephanie Nielson’s book “Heaven is Here” and read the entire thing in an afternoon. That really made me want to get my booty moving to take care of my family. I highly recommend it and will be adding it to our ldsparenting amazon store, in the sidebar. Here are some of the things that I was blessed with during my study.
General Conference came at such a blessed time for me. I needed to hear those words. I needed to get my priorities straight. I needed to focus on my family. One of the most important things I learned is that I need to block out needless distractions. This is different for every person. My needless distractions are not the same as yours…. I needed to sit down and really look at my life and literally make a list and x out the needless distractions. Yes my house is not as “perfect” as I’d like. But I can worry about that when the kids are grown and all I have left to do is clean. I am not posting to my blog the way I dreamed of… but Heavenly Father understands that I need to learn some lessons first. Sometimes supper consists of running to taco bell. But no one is perfect and I really love their double decker tacos! In all honesty, I needed time to block out the needless distractions. I am still looking at my journal, writing my list, x-ing out the things that I don’t need. Trying to deal with the guilt!
My next “quest”- to make goals. I need to have a list of things I’m working on. My list used to consist of millions of things like “ bake this for neighbor” , “ get this laundry done”, “ call so and so and make sure they are ok”, it all seemed to be so much. Major overwhelming list. I decided that for the rest of this week, I was going to study my scriptures, and general conference etc, and focus on a few big goals, that I could complete successfully this week. Most of them have to do with my children. I take my job as a momma, so seriously. When I’m not doing all the things I want to be doing, all of the things that we have been commanded to do… I feel extreme guilt, which turns into depression. So I made a list for this week. Small goals, that will take just a little time, but the rewards would be great. I would feel successful. As I prayed and asked my Heavenly Father what it was that He wanted me to teach my children this week, I was surprised as the thoughts came rolling in. I wrote them all down, then chose a few that I could concentrate on this week. A certain conference talk I want to share with the kids, a certain parable that I was blessed to have a neat “object lesson” idea on, etc. Then there were some personal goals, being a sweeter wife to my husband. Going thru my prayer list, three times a day. I just needed to learn to calm down!!!!!! Guilt is my biggest thing. I struggle so much with it. But I feel less overwhelmed and guilty when I know that my to-do list is inspired and that they are small goals that I know I can succeed with. There is not a million little things that really have no significance. I need to concentrate on things of an eternal nature. I love this quote by Richard G. Scott, :
“ A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective. Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb all our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth.”
It is all about perspective. Hmm… easy to say and understand, not so easy to do, especially when the guilt starts in. Maybe we all need a long bubble bath!! How do you deal with being overwhelmed? What things have you learned, that can help us?
I leave you with this one special quote, from one of my most favorite people in the world.. Sister Hinckley. How I love that woman. She was smart. We can be smart too!
I say these things, in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, AMEN!!!!!!!